"It's been several weeks now, just pick up the phone and call... you NEED to know", my boss said to me in a concerned tone. Sensing my hesitation, she refused to budge from my desk until I reached for my cell phone. I nervously flipped through my contacts and searched for my surgeon's number. In my mind I already knew the results of the biopsy, I just didn't want to hear the words. I was relieved when after several rings, my call was directed to the office voicemail. "Good. I have more time," I thought, and I left a brief message. Within ten minutes my surgeon called back. "Mrs. Harrington,..." the tone of his voice immediately indicated that something was not right. The only words I recall hearing after his greeting were: "...it's cancer." We made arrangements to meet the following week, and I hung up. Mindlessly, I wrote the word cancer on the notepad in front of me, a million thoughts rushed through my mind: What next? How do I tell my family I have cancer? Who should know?Facing a cancer diagnosis was overwhelming, and I struggled with telling others about my condition. Initially, I was more private, only a handful of my close friends and family were made aware of my diagnosis. I was uncertain about going public, until one day a friend said to me "Why are you being so quiet about this? You need to share your story...others will benefit from your positive attitude and approach." What a perspective! I didn't realize that sharing my journey could help others. I also discovered that talking openly about my diagnosis turned out to be rather therapeutic, both for my family and myself. Along the way, I was also fortunate to connect with other survivors, who offered solid advice and insight that no one else was able too. Most importantly, I learned that people want to help, and letting others know about my treatment enabled my family to receive much needed support and relief.
Being open with your diagnosis is a personal decision and may invite a lot of attention you may not be prepared to handle. You may decide it's simpler to keep the news of your diagnosis confined to your immediate family. Regardless of how many people you decide to tell, it's helpful to have a plan. Below are a few suggestions, based on my experience, to help you talk about your cancer diagnosis:
- Decide who should know- Create a list of people you want to tell personally, either by phone, email or face to face. You may find it helpful to have a secondary list that a family member or close friend can contact on your behalf.
- Develop a script- Decide how much you wish to share with others. People will want to know your cancer type, your treatment plan and prognosis. Detailing your diagnosis over and over again can be exhausting, so you may find it easier to share more detailed information through email, which can include links to resources to help others understand your prognosis.
- Set the tone- Wait until you have processed the news fully before talking with others, this will help you maintain composure. Assure your family and friends that you are going to do your best to fight. People often don't know what to say and your outlook and conversational tone will foster openness.
- Plan a response- Upon hearing about your diagnosis, people will want to help. Allow yourself to receive help and support. Be prepared to respond with ideas that are comfortable to you. Assistance could include meal preparation, cleaning, driving to appointments, childcare, prescription pick up, or grocery shopping.
- Develop a communication plan- During treatment you may find that sharing your experience with others provides an outlet and helps ease your anxiety. But detailing your journey can be time consuming. Consider appointing a spokesperson to communicate with your friends and family periodically. Updates can be posted through a blog, social media or using web resources like CaringBridge, which includes privacy controls.
- Don't get discouraged-Friends and family who are uncomfortable with your news may be unsure of how to talk to you. There will be people who seem to slip away from your life. Recognize that this has nothing to do with you- these people are dealing with there own personal conflicts and fears. (This was the hardest part for me to realize) A positive side of having cancer is you will discover who your true friends are and make many new lifelong connections during your treatments.
